Chasing Sex and Magic: The Right Way to Court the Most Elusive Types of Inspiration

Author: Quill ofQuillsOccultSupply / Labels: , ,

It’s a quiet night at home.  I pass by the window on my way to sit with another cup of tea and catch a brief glimpse of the world outside.  Dark streets are painted a glossy ebony black with the rain that has been falling in silent sheets all day.  Jewel-like studs of color pop from shop signs, traffic lights and give a heartbeat to the otherwise lifeless, motionless scene. 

And then it hits me--like a wave of hot water, like a ping in the back of my mind, like a sound I can’t place and now must struggle to connect in my memories—I’m suddenly alive and aware…and I want magic.  I have no urgent needs, no passionate desires to fulfill, not even a line on my list of spells I’d like to cast, but I want magic.  I want to feel it, to turn it and change it into something new, something I can call my own.  I can’t tell why but it’s happened and I can’t turn away.  

Has this happened to you?  If you’ve been casting long enough that you have successfully managed your needs and wants, then you probably have faced this many times.  To some, it’s just another wonder of the weird world of witchcraft.  To others, though, it’s a strange and confusing feeling.  Maybe we want it all the time; maybe we just want to be able to call it at will. Mostly, though, we get neither.  In a way, it’s like sex in a comfortable, long-term relationship; it’s not the top of your obsessions anymore, but every once in a while, you go wild for it!  As a witch, you’re riding a capricious wave of magical inspiration.

The flip-side of this analogy, however, is also true.  Too much familiarity and you become listless and disinterested.  There’s no spark left and you aren’t sure how to regain it or even how you got it in the first place.  You’re stuck in the doldrums of magical inspiration.

As you can see, things can get a little tricky when you’re talking about what revvs us up for both a good round of spellcasting and a roll in the hay!  How can we possibly maneuver this mercurial field?  Is it even possible to bring to it any kind of order and regularity?  Perhaps, to make things clearer, I can talk about these two topics at the same time.

Don’t Expect, Speculate

Both with sex and magic, we lose the fuel to get started if we stress about it.  If you say “I’ve only cast one spell in two months.  What’s wrong with me?” or “My work should be more impressive by now!” you’re just squashing every expansive, positive thought that once fired you up as a caster.  Let expectations go.

Instead of focusing on what isn’t going on, dig deep into what is.  What are you feeling right now?  What have you been thinking about most often lately?  Where do your daydreams lead you?  Remember that magic isn’t just for making sure your bills are paid and you shake the flu in time for your New Year’s party; it’s about finding fulfillment and happiness.  That can be big things and small.

This works in the bedroom, too.  When you set rules for yourself or your partner on how often, how long, in what position, etc. can be classified as “real sex” or “good sex,” get ready to be miserable.  If you’re connecting, it’s real.  If you’re enjoying it, it’s good.  Forget the rest and go with it. 

Start Keeping Track

                If you’re anything like me, “the other day” can refer to any span of time between yesterday and 6 months ago.  So when I say I cast a spell the other day, you might have to allow some give in the timeline.

 Same thing goes when you’re thinking about how long it’s been since you had a really great, deep magical experience.  You might think that you haven’t had anything like that in years, but that might not be the case.  This is where I tell all my students how important it is to record all your spells—from the fancy rites to the itty-bitties—it all counts.  When you see it on paper, you’ll probably realize that you use it much more often than you thought. 

For me, I use several spoken charms every day, test some new ones a few times a week, regularly use formulas like powders and tinctures, work “pushes” and other thought spells, light dressed candles on my days off work…  So it’s not a cast circle and a blazing cauldron, but it definitely is magic. 
In your relationship, you can (tactfully) do the same thing.  A common complaint in married arguments is the rarity of sex in the relationship, but it’s not often that anyone remembers exact dates.  Taking the time to really examine how often you two actually do the deed can not only stop the fight before it starts (if it’s more than remembered) but also give you a clear picture of the situation (if it’s significantly less).


Now I don’t mean that you should run to the bookstore and grab the biggest book of ceremonial magic they have just because it’s an avenue you haven’t yet explored.  That is not actually experimentation, it’s just recklessness.  Don’t let anyone tell you that’s how to do things because you’ll end up far more frustrated and disheartened than anything positive you might have gained from the experience.

Instead, ruminate on some ideas that have made you prick up your ears in conversation, books whose titles you’ve heard again and again but have never read, interesting tools and components you’ve seen in shops.  Be curious again, explore with a sense of wonderment, be new to something.  Follow your curiosity and you will never lack inspiration.

When we’re talking about sex this could not be more important!  Never leap into something because you read in Cosmo that men love it.  Most of the time you can bet that your guy won’t.  Also, just as likely, you won’t be comfortable with have to repeat it from now on.  So stick to the outer edges of what you already know and go from there.

Keep Showing Up

This is definitely the toughest advice a person can receive.  Writers hear it all the time: “A writer writes.”  If you want to be inspired, to feel that rush that got you here in the first place, you’re going to need to be where the action is as often as possible.  A lover loves.  A spellcaster casts spells.  It’s as simple—and painfully difficult—as that.

Even when you don’t feel like it, even when you think you should wait because the “perfect moment” is going to appear at any moment, get involved.  Do what puts you in the center of your witchy universe and stay there as long as you’re able.  That gray dusty lightbulb above your head will erupt in light when you’re not expecting it.  Only then will you see that it happened because you had your hand on the switch the whole time.

The truth is that a witch is a lover.  We’re smitten with our own being, the lightness of being a human animal engaged with the world, the power we share with everything around us.  Our spells

and all their complex intertwining of forms, words, colors, and thought are an affair we have with some secret force, and each time we meet this mysterious paramour, we are excited to see what glorious offspring we might bear. 
There is nothing separate from magic and there’s nothing separate from sex.  Sex is life giving, life affirming.   Magic is life building and life expanding.  You are infused with both right now, sitting in that chair, wearing same shirt.  You had it this morning while brushing your teeth and you’ll have it tonight when you turn out the lights.  Even in the most mundane moments, without even trying, there’s something powerful stirring in you and you can use it whenever you wish. 
Imagine what you could do if you did wish.

Image from:


Post a Comment

About Me

My photo

My name is Quill and I've been practicing witchcraft for the past 17 years. 10 of those years I've been reading tarot and teaching.  I own a shop on Etsy called Quill's Occult Supply (check it out at full of handmade ritual and decorative items, spell components, and wild picked herbs.

I love to work with my hands.  Magic is a tool to shape our lives, and I'm using magic to shape tools to shape magic.  Cosmic! 

I use a lot of my favorite things in my shop: herbs, candles, wood, fabric, paint, clay.  And I get to carve, burn, grind, mold, think, dream ... I'm in the perfect business!

I've written 3 manuscripts for publication (2 non-fiction and 1 fiction) and am an avid NaNo-er!  I and my husband run a local coven called Orbis Prosapia, and our children are growing up surrounded by magic, mythology, fairy tales, Earth worship, art, open discussion, music, and humor. 

In addition to working on Ex Penna about my experiences as a professional witch, I also write for Scenes from the Circle about being a coven leader. 

Powered by Blogger.

Blog Archive